>Be me
>At a friend's party
>Not feeling vibe
>Sit around and scroll through federated timeline
>Bots post dozens of naked anime girls at once
>Cute girl arrives
>She walks up behind me and sees the intense degeneracy on my phone
>Hear her talking about it with the host
>Get kicked out
>Didn't drive there
>Forced to walk 20 miles home
>Don't have image for this green text


He Man doesn't have a good physique, and he's not particularly athletic.

I have never seen the original He-man, and now I'm watching the Kevin Smith version. Not very entertaining tbh

If Chris Chan didn't rape his mother, then he shouldn't go to jail.

I remember the first time that I saw Ethan Klein do that funny neck thing. It literally changed my life. My entire comedy career is based on that funny face he made.

As an H3H3 fan, I've been asking one question over and over again. When is Hila going to start an Only fans?

I'm an H3H3 fan. Has anyone seen my antidepressants? I can't watch H3H3 without them.

Go back to Greece. I will go on with my incels.

Climate change is coming down to the wire. We're in the quidditch world cup and we're down by 100 pounds. The Green New Deal is our golden snitch. Let's get it.

I lot of my peers say that Trump is like Voldemort, but really he's just Gilderoy Lockhart. He's dangerous, but only if you forget how incompetent he is.

Every time I write a tweet, I ask myself whether or not Dumbledore would award me points for it. Not to brag or anything, but I could have won the wizard's cup many times over. Lol

Yes. My girlfriend is a slut




Two hundred and fifty pounds

The Reddit bots are almost as obnoxious as I am.

Ponce de Leon, but instead of the fountain of youth he's looking for the thing that will make black people think he's cool.

Shitty Volkswagen ad: "he'll never know a time before all electric"

Me, an unbiased observer: he's going to grow up to be hypogonadal and sterile because you at nothing but microwaved plastic during your entire pregnancy

Buddha's father didn't want his son to ever witness suffering. My son shall never witness obesity

I remember when this happened. The moral of the story is that discipline and sacrifice beat all other virtues. That's why America's softball team lost, and that's why the fat American kids lost in 2003. Having fun and being anti racist mean nothing when you've done only half the work.

Literally all of America's problems come from laziness.


It's crazy to think that products like "instant oatmeal" or "instant grits" can exist. I make grits or oatmeal on the stovetop all the time. It takes 5 minutes, and I eat it straight out of the pot. I only save 2 minutes by eating the instant crap, and it tastes horrible by comparison.

The same people who buy that crap also buy nonstick cookware.

"you can be a hero by comsooming media and snacks"

Modern day leftism.

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