It's time to get serious about halting inflation and decreasing the national debt. Nobody has the balls to do the one thing that will solve both problems, which is raise taxes.

I was almost aborted when my parents found out how severely retarded I was going to be.

Free speech advocates all sound like drunk women getting ejected from a Chilis.

Men are from Mars, women are from special ed.

Yet the form of media that makes the most money also makes the worst product.

I don't think I've ever even seen a painting and thought "oh god this is so terrible, why does this exist, please turn it off I feel so much dumber for having seen this."

Like 99% of paintings aren't atrocious. 99% of songs aren't terrible. Why are 99% of TV shows so bad?

Almost every TV show in the history of TV shows has been terrible. I don't think there's any other form of media that has such a high miss rate.

We are not living in a golden age of TV. TV is not good right now. TV was just really really bad before. It's still bad, but now it's a watchable level of bad.

Everyone who is complaining about how there are too many streaming services and they can't watch everything, remind yourself that all of the shows will be terrible and you could try not watching any of them. Problem solved.

I hope when we make AI good it's not annoying. We need to leapfrog past freshman in college stage.

We should change elections so instead of voting for a candidate you get to vote against as many candidates as you want. Whoever has the least votes against them wins.

You will get fucked by bitcoin, but at least it will be anonymous fucking.

Every ceiling fan in my house emits the tinniest squeaks that I don't hear except when I wake up in the middle of the night and they're driving me crazy.

I hope the next comedian to get jumped on stage is Joe Rogan. He could probably still fuck someone up.

Comedians getting assaulted is like NASCAR crashes. We're all supposed to pretend we don't like them, but it's the only part of the act that's remotely entertaining.

I'm getting out ahead of the curve of social progress. All these suckers are focusing on personal pronouns. I'm jumping ahead to interrogative pronouns. Enjoy the past, gramdpas.

Fauci has declared covid is over. Anyone who disagrees should be stoned to death for apostasy.

I believe in the right to abortion, just not for women.

First Super Predators, now Mega Magas! Joe can't catch a break!

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