@EchoChamber no, its because your creepy uncle comes to your house

Statistically, more children are molested on Thanksgiving than on 9/11.

Because Thanksgiving is a celebration of violence and rape. So just imagine the numbers for veterans day.

The lesson is to socially distance.

Broads don't have to suck dick if they don't want to.

They don't have to sleep in my bed, spend my money, or eat my food either. It's up to them.

Getting creampied by a stranger is not self-care.

Plasma donation payments are not tax-exempt.

Literally taxed on your life essence.
What the fuck.

"PEDOPHILES could be here" he thought, "I work and half my family lives in this neighbourhood. There could be PEDOPHILES anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his bare arms. "I HATE PEDOPHILES" he thought. "Seen Kyle" reverberated the entire block, making it pulsate even as the $3 Capri-sun circulated through his powerful thick veins and washed away his (merited) fear that the system deliberately protects child molesters and punishes the good. "With an AR-15, you have as much policing as you want" he said to himself, out loud.

You mean being completely normal in every way, oh right

if the shifty slav ever offers you a Russian cigar in your dreams, turn around and leave do not engage with him he will psychically rape you.

@coolhandjames i accidentally followed the sincere subreddit this was parodying and spent 2 weeks wondering if the satire was just too dry for my taste


In Australia, if you don't respond to the covid checks within 5 minutes, cops show up and check that you're still quarantined. No harm done, if you ARE home. They just check on you when you don't answer your phone, same as a regular welfare check. Welfare checks are probably good for mental health anyway. Don't anything illegal, you have nothing to hide.

The internet's down? Not for me. Refresh the page, normies.

What you eat and how you sleep really does have a massive effect on how you feel in the head, in case you needed a reminder.

Holy fuck I feel bad. I slept like shit all weekend, and ate a whole week's worth of bread and cheese on Saturday.

Good reminder of why so many people are such antisocial jackasses all the time.
They have zero order in their lives.

Maybe I should have stayed in Philadelphia. I property prices might actually become affordable!

Tore my biscep, smoking a Cohiba Black to kick off my new working from home business of taking painkillers and jerking off with my other hand.

Why am I awake, having a smoke at this unholy hour of the day?

Because my arm looks and feels like I just completed a six week boot camp program for beating off.

Rate my new ashtray.

Me thinks me arm be fucked up.
Messed up enough to go to a doctor about it, and that's something.

@dickmasterson if you do a finance bonus episode with your dad, I'll give you $30 on the spot.

We're going to have distinct human factions in the future. The ones who are perpetually taking vaccine boosters , the ones who are naturally immune, and the ones who are suppressing it with an alternate chemical. Which one are you?

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